Baby Boy!

Heir male

Last weekend our son was born (even though the expected due date is actually tomorrow)!  The labor was a lot faster and crazier than I expected, and Bunky progressed super-quickly through the various stages like she was on a speed run.  From classes and shows I had assumed that the labor and delivery would be mostly slow and boring, but actually it was extremely fast and exciting.

Our baby boy (who will be codenamed “Kiwi” on this blog) tried to get the drop on me late at night, but since it was a weekend I was still up and alert.  Bunky felt like her water had broken, but it wasn’t exactly clear since it was more of a trickle than anything else.  There was also some bloody show, but the midwife advised us to wait a few hours.  Unfortunately, just a few hours later Bunky was in excruciating pain and yet reluctant to go to the hospital for fear that she’d look like a wimp.  I figured she was at least a few centimeters dilated, and we should at least go get checked out.

Slippery little fella

You know how they say in classes that labor won’t be anything like the movies?  Well, in my case it was exactly like the movies.  I had Bunky screaming like hell in the passenger side as I was trying to beat red lights on the (thankfully empty) roads to the hospital.  Wouldn’t you know it, but the day before labor day was a busy day for labor.  We had to wait about an hour in the waiting room, during which time Bunky silently endured her agonizing pain.  To Bunky, physical pain is nothing compared to social embarrassment.  I was glad we had come when we did, since a few minutes after we arrived, 3 more couples showed up (all looking relaxed).  Meanwhile, Bunky was pretty much writhing in her chair in pain every few minutes.

When we finally got into the triage room, Bunky was puking and feeling a ton of pain.  Triage rooms are generally pretty crappy, and the gurney/bed was way too high.  I think that as a new mother, Bunky got less respect; I guess that the nurses must be so jaded with wimpy new moms who waste everyone’s time.  However, when the midwife went to check Bunky, she was surprised to find that Bunky was already 7 cm dilated.  HOLY !#%# no wonder the pain was so intense.  From what I’ve learned, most motivated mothers can tolerate up to about 5 cm naturally, at which point the pain gets really strong and things start moving extremely fast (and many mothers who wanted a natural birth give up on that idea).  As soon as that number came back, the nurses snapped to life and started taking blood work and doing stuff at a crazy speed.  It was  impressive how they flipped that switch, and I thought it was pretty cool watching the nurse toss vials of blood onto the counter with one hand while using the other to pop in the next vial.

Oooh, color-coded

I think at this point the midwife lied to the staff and said that Bunky was only 6 cm dilated so that she could get an epidural.  Apparently if it’s too late, then there is no point in getting the epidural.  We heard that the anesthesiologist was super-busy, so I asked about the hot tub.  They weren’t sure if it’d be worth it, but hey even 5 minutes of reduced pain is better than 0 minutes.  We got maybe 15-20 minutes in the tub (which Bunky said was very helpful) before the  anesthesiologist (on her last day, since she was doing training or something) showed up surprisingly early.  The epidural process went very smoothly, and I now have no sympathy for dads who faint during this stage.  WTF, you don’t even see anything if you stand in front of your wife and the needle isn’t even that bad.  Afterwards, Bunky felt sooooooo much better, and I was relieved that she was no longer in excruciating pain.  Interestingly enough, the nurses mentioned that the trainee was one of the best ones they’d had, and that they hated failing students because then the crappy trainees would come back…

We then got maybe an hour of down time, but neither of us could sleep or relax since the delivery was imminent.  We were lucky enough to get a midwife change and the one who had seen us like a billion times during the last few weeks tagged in.  She checked the amniotic sac and felt that the fore sac (or something) had not yet ruptured yet, but when she pulled her hand back to get the tool to break the water, the whole thing burst out like a geyser, soaking the midwife and everything else.  It was totally cool and I would have been laughing more if I wasn’t afraid of Bunky suddenly getting up and killing me.  This was another part that wasn’t supposed to be like the movies (the water breaking is usually a leak), but it was exactly like the movies.  It might have even been better than the movies.  The midwife also decided to bust out the gigantic super high-powered death-ray-esque light from the ceiling, which thrilled me.

Fortunately, nothing like this happened

As for the birth itself, in spite of very little dedication to training Bunky proved to be some kind of birthing genius, because she pushed that baby out like it was no big deal.  There was considerable progress with each contraction, and it was actually much more exciting/fast-paced than I expected.  I’m not sure if it was because she was on the epidural for such a short period of time, but Bunky had no trouble pushing, and within maybe 30 minutes Kiwi was out (7 lb 14 oz, 20″) and getting cleaned up.  I wasn’t planning on cutting the cord originally since it seemed kinda gross on TV, but things are much different when it’s your own wife in there.  At that point they asked me if I wanted to cut the cord and I was like HELL YEAH.  The scissors didn’t have too much cutting strength, so it took two snips…  The whole process from Bunky getting up to the baby being delivered took maybe 9.5 hours.

Afterwards we had two very tiring days in postpartum.  It’s nice having the lactation consultants, but other than that it was kind of a pain.  Breastfeeding seems to be mostly about teaching the baby what to do, and the breastfeeding classes we took ended up being completely unhelpful.  It was tough the first day, but fortunately Kiwi got it halfway through day 2.  The worst part about postpartum is the lack of sound proofing and the constant intrusion by nurses to take vitals.  It’s nearly impossible to get any good sleep.  We were glad to get out of there, although I scored as much free loot as possible (Medela stuff, surprisingly) before we left.

Home life has been satisfying, albeit extremely tiring.  Since Bunky’s labor went so smoothly, her recovery has been pretty quick (although she isn’t exactly doing triathlons or anything).  Kiwi has been very healthy and well behaved, and his days seem to consist of eating and trying to poop in his pants without waking himself up.  More importantly, even though I’ve kinda been eating like crap, I had so little time for meals that I continued to lose weight throughout the last week.

Related posts:

1. 2 Months of Counting Calories