Poor Kobayashi

The reign of Japan’s king of speed eating, the munch master Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi, is all but over, his all-devouring dominance undone by an arthritic jaw.

OMG what?! This is indeed shocking news. I feel like it was only weeks ago that Bunky and I watched him compete in a hot dog eating contest against a large bear (the bear won pretty easily).

Yet in an emotional entry on his blog, Mr Kobayashi revealed that his rigorous training regime, which involves stretching his stomach with large quantities of cabbage and water, had left his mouth all but paralysed.

He will still enter next week’s competition, however, viewing the physical pain of eating as “meaningless” compared with his grief at losing his mother this year. “My jaw has given up the fight,” he wrote, adding that the arthritis was so bad that he could only open his mouth wide enough to form “a gap the size of a fingertip”.

Wow that sucks so bad, as it was really his livelihood and obviously something he took great pride and pleasure in. I wonder if he had his mouth and stomach insured, since I know famous people often insure body parts that make them famous.

With the annual July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest fast approaching, this is disappointing news. I guess this hot rising star Joey Chestnut may be the new favorite, but to think that you can get a major sports injury from competitive eating is (while not unexpected) jarring.

You Got Soul On My Forehead!

Bunky was watching one of those craptastic news shows she likes (I think this time it was stupid Keith Olbermann), and they they started predicting how The Deathly Gallows would end. We’re less than a month away from the release (July 21, 2007), so of course I was intrigued.

Now they made some good points, mostly that it would be marketing suicide to kill off Harry, especially with the movies lagging behind the books. However, Keith’s (or his writing team’s) prediction is that the last Horcrux will turn out to be the scar on Potter’s head, and Snape will bust out at the last minute and tell Potter not to kill himself for the sake of killing Voldemort. Then Snape will whip out his spell of Deus Ex Machina and show Potter that by sealing off the boy’s magical powers, Harry can kill Voldemort and not copy the Matrix ending.

When I first heard it, I could follow the logic. However, I don’t buy this theory because why would Voldemort put a Horcrux on Potter’s head? It would have been a accidental Horcrux then, right? Also, this would have to be the worst kind of punishment for Harry. To gain magic and then lose it would almost be worse than death. At least when you die, you can get one of those sweet sentient portraits of yourself.

Anyway, my general predictions still stand. When Rowling says a “major character” will die, I don’t believe it will be one of the main trio. Anyone else is fair game. Also, I think Snape is generally good, but I don’t think he is necessarily on Potter’s side. Even good people can be haters. Also, I have some specific predictions/thoughts:

1. It will be definitively revealed that James Potter was an ass. Once Harry admits it, Snape will stop screwing with him so much.
2. Pettigrew still owes Harry, and better pay up or else Peter is gonna get his kneecaps busted. Nobody likes a rat.
3. Harry and Krum are gonna catch Hermione and Ron hooking up (this Felix stuff is amazing!), making it super awkward for Harry and plunging Krum into the depths of angst.
4. Any kind of prequel with Dumbledore would be awesome, because the flashbacks have already established that Dumbledore was a P-I-M-P in his younger days.
5. Someone sold the last Horcrux on Ebay. A pity Dumbledore is not better at sniping online auctions.
6. I hope Harry and Voldemort resort to hand-to-hand combat at the end, since they can’t wand each other to death. My wand would have an ahoge core =).

Finally I want to bring up this quote:

Ender said:
I feel that it’s pretty clear that Snape is one of the goodguys working undercover for the badguys. If I’m wrong, I’ll treat Kabitzin to dinner at the next New Year’s gathering.

Basically if Catnip is right, somehow I win dinner, even though I agree with Ender. Awesome!

That Is Not Our Pants

Every so often a legal issue comes up that actually catches my interest. In a nutshell, a lawyer/judge named Roy Pearson wanted to get some pants altered, and then didn’t get them back on time. When the cleaners found the pants, Pearson believed that it was the wrong pair, and then sued the cleaners for $65 million (later reduced to $54 million) because their signs stated “Satisfaction Guaranteed” and “Same Day Service.” Pearson decided to decline settlement offers of up to $12,000 and represented himself. Check out some of these awesome court moments:

Pearson said he had no choice but to take on “the awesome responsibility” of suing the Chungs on behalf of every D.C. resident, reported the WaPo. Pearson kept referring to himself as “we.” Said Judge Judith Bartnoff: “Mr. Pearson, you are not a ‘we.’ You are an ‘I.’”

Kabitzin agrees with Judge Judy. Only We are allowed to use the royal We. In completely off-topic news, Bunky is considering buying a Wii so We + 1 can play.

“These are not my pants,” Pearson recalled telling Chung when she handed him a pair of gray pants with cuffs. “I have in my adult life, with one exception, never worn pants with cuffs.”

“And she said, ‘These are your pants.’ ”

Pearson paused. He struggled to breathe deeply. He could not continue. Pearson blurted a request for a break, stood up, turned around and walked out of the courtroom, tears dripping from his full and reddened eyes.

Damn, if someone accused Us of wearing pants with cuffs, We’d probably start tearing up, too.

Pearson said yesterday that “there is no case in the District of Columbia or in the United States that comes anywhere close to the outrageousness of the behavior of the defendants in this case.” When on cross-examination the lawyer for Custom Dry Cleaners asked Pearson, “Without regard to the law, as a human being, as a person, don’t you think it makes sense to interpret merchant signage in a reasonable way?,” Pearson responded, “No.”

Then, Judge Judith Bartnoff asked Pearson the following hypothetical, according to the WaPo: If a customer demands $1,000 for a lost garment and the merchant truly believes the customer is lying, does a “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign require the shop owner to hand over a check? “Yes,” Pearson said.

Litigation lawyers get all the fun. And, since the judge ruled in favor of the cleaners and included court costs, the lawyers got great publicity and a big win (no doubt Pearson will appeal). However, considering that Pearson is in debt from his divorce and unemployed, it might be tough to collect that money.

TUF 5 Finale Predictions

Tomorrow night is the finale for the Ultimate Fighter 5. Mixed Martial Arts is one of the very few sports that Bunky will watch with me, so of course there’s always that extra bit of excitement of watching with another fan. Having the fight between the coaches be free on Spike is really nice; unfortunately, I heard that next season’s title match between Serra and Hughes will be PPV only. Here’s my predictions for tomorrow night:

Pulver Vs. Penn
Penn by Submission in the 2nd round. Unless Penn is in horrible shape (definitely a possibility) or Pulver gets a really lucky shot in, I don’t think Pulver has a chance. He’s a likeable coach, but I think Penn is too strong and too skilled for a striker like Pulver. Pulver will probably do well to move to 145 in the WEC, and I don’t see Penn having any problems taking Pulver down at will. On the ground, it’s all Penn, and I doubt Pulver has the tools to avoid Penn’s sick submission skills.

Gamburyan Vs. Diaz
Gamburyan by Unanimous Decision. Unless Nathan just jabs the hell out of Manny, I see Gamburyan pulling a wet blanket on Diaz in a repeat of the Gamburyan-Lauzon fight. I think Gamburyan’s takedowns and striking are just barely good enough to hang with Diaz, and Gamburyan’s ground game should be able to neutralize Diaz’s Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Gamburyan has no neck to get caught in a choke, and his arms are freaking huge, making it more difficult to secure an arm bar. I get the feeling this might be a boring fight.

Melendez Vs. Lauzon
Lauzon by T.K.O. or submission in the first round. Melendez’s striking isn’t that great and he doesn’t have the wrestling necessary to control Lauzon. Lauzon is going to come out of the gates like a monster and just destroy Melendez.

Wang Vs. Miller
Miller by Unanimous Decision. Supposedly Wang has some good submission skills, since he has a black belt in BJJ. Unfortunately, he is kinda a moron. If you read his interviews or watch his one fight, he just doesn’t have the mental aspect down at all. He’s going to try and bang with Miller, and while Miller has strong submission skills as well, Miller will probably let the fight stay off the ground for an easy win against Wang.

Emerson Vs. Maynard
Maynard by Unanimous Decision. Maynard has great wrestling and decent striking, but he has no submissions and mediocre ground n’ pound. Emerson’s striking is better, but not really anything to write home about. I think this will be a combination of nasty leg kicks from Emerson and boring lay n’ pray from Maynard, with Maynard controlling 2 of 3 rounds.

Berube Vs. Garcia
Garcia by K.O. in the 1st round. I’ve only seen a little of Garcia, but I know Berube sucks and has little skill. Berube should be out of this fight before the water finishes boiling.

Geraghty Vs. Wiman
Geraghty by Submission in the 3rd round. While we didn’t see too much of Geraghty in the quick loss to Lauzon, he must think pretty highly of himself to think that he’d be safe on the ground. I’m not completely sure about this one, but I think Wiman is not very good on his back. Wiman does have some good striking skills, however.

Sword Vs. Leites
Who? No picks. This is the only match where neither guy has a nickname.

Huerta Vs. Evans
Huerta by K.O. in the 1st round. I have no clue who Evans is, but I read that he is some scrub that they are serving up to Huerta. I’ve seen a little of Huerta and know that he’s tough, so I figure that this is a gimme from the UFC to Huerta.