The Big One

Had an amazing experience at Chipotle today. I was ahead of this average looking guy (average height, maybe on the thin side), and was going about ordering my rather plain chicken burrito. This guy also ordered a chicken burrito, but he got practically every single possible extra on it. He even sprung for the $1.50 guacamole. He got three different kinds of salsa, lettuce, cheese, and sour cream. He even got a side of chips! By the time the server was done, his big tortilla was completely covered with food, and she could barely fold it. Everyone was just staring at this gigantic burrito in amazement and the server was laughing as she tried to fold it up. When I remarked, “That is an impressive burrito,” he smiled and replied, “I have an impressive appetite.” Well played!

The feeling in the Chipotle was seriously electric. I felt like someone could just start breaking into a slow-clap at any second. Since we ordered next to each other, it was clear that his chicken burrito was TWICE the size of my chicken burrito. In fact, it was so huge that the cashier mistakenly tried to overcharge me $0.20!!!

Yet Another Draft Day Gone By

Ahh, the NBA draft… every year I sit back and watch the Knicks make a bunch of meandering moves. I’ll give Thomas the benefit of the doubt with the picks, since he knows how to pick young talent. However, in terms of steering the ship, it looks like New York is not out of the choppy waters just yet.

For NY, the big move of the night was the trade of Channing Frye and Steve Francis for Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, and Raptors guard Fred Jones. At first glance, this seems like a steal. Channing regressed horribly after his encouraging rookie season, and Steve Francis has a bad contract and a slew of injuries that have limited his time on the court. This is pretty much a repeat of last year’s trade when the Knicks got Steve Francis for the washed up Penny Hardaway and Trevor Ariza. Without considering contracts, these sound like good deals. Unfortunately, this is exactly how the Knicks front office thinks.

The major problem with these trades is the opportunity cost. I would say that the Knicks are better talent-wise with Randolph, since he adds points and rebounding. Neither of the players the Knicks gave up are factors on the court anymore. Sounds good, right? Unfortunately, because NY always takes on horrible contracts in these trades, they can never participate in any trades that would significantly help the team. Here are two analogies:

  • You have time for one shot before the clock expires, and you are down by 3 points. The opponent does not defend the paint, allowing you to score an uncontested layup as time expires. You lose by one point.
  • You have a bicycle and you really need a van to move your stuff. You have $20,000 and find a motorcycle that usually sells for $15,000 on sale for $10,000 (although it is still overpriced). You buy the motorcycle, and the next week a van goes on sale for a reasonable price of $15,000 but you cannot afford it now.

Finally Zach’s large contract will haunt the Knicks for years to come. Next year he’ll make a little over $13M, and it escalates to $17M in 2011. New York could have conceivably been under the cap in 2009, but notions of signing a free agent have now gone out the window for 4 years.

These are exactly the sort of things that keep happening. Of course this isn’t even addressing the fact that Randolph duplicates many of the few strengths that the Knicks have, while not addressing any of their weaknesses. To be fair, there are rumors that Randolph will be an upgraded version of what the Knicks hoped Frye would become, with an agile mid-range jumper, and the ability to create his own shot. I will have to see it to be convinced.

It’d be one thing if the front office had a history of making great trades, or if this was part of a master plan/combo trade, but the last few years of management don’t back up either of these theories.

Target X First Next Time

The toast of the senior citizen circuit is Bill “Boom Boom” Barnes, age 72, whose appearance on the front page of The Press on Tuesday catapulted him onto a national stage, including a mention Wednesday on the Paul Harvey radio broadcast.

And word of what he did is spreading, with the release late Wednesday of a video that captured Barnes punching out a 27-year-old suspected pickpocket identified by authorities as Jesse Daniel Rae, of Newaygo County.

The best part of the article is by far the security video of this old guy just creaming the wannabe-thief. While you have to endure 2/3 of the tape showing just some annoying young dude in line acting totally weird and shady, when you see Barnes go from friendly old guy to Hammer of Justice, it’s worth it. It’s also fun to watch Barnes and the large store manager wrestle the thief out the front door. Here is another article about the incident.

It was a quick fight, but the thief was smart enough to turn away and protect himself from any crotch shots. However, Barnes did the right thing, launching some vicious shots to the head before going downstairs for a few kidney shots. Nice work!

Barnes said he’d probably do the same thing again under the same circumstances, if for no other reason than what he would face back home.

“I wouldn’t want my wife to give me hell for lettin’ that guy get my money,” he said with a smile.

/cry

Velius’ Long Lost Brother

In light of this happy development from this debacle, I want to point out this enterprising fellow:

No, he’s an obsessive linesitter. He was the first person to see Ground Zero when the viewing platform opened, the first to sign the condolence book at the British consulate when Princess Diana died, and the first in line to greet President George W. Bush after his inauguration. Hell, the guy waited in line for eight hours to meet Brandy. Brandy!

Even better is this ironic quote:

“This is what I like doing,” he said. “You only live once, you might as well make the most of it.”

Wonder if he’s gotten his offer yet…

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