This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land

I had a fantastic bus ride home yesterday. As usual the bus was packed, but some jerks were trying to told off on having people sit next to them. There were the usual people putting their bag on the seat next to them, etc. but eventually they were all forced to concede the spaces. As I got on, I saw that there was one seat left. Or should I say, there was half a seat left.

In 1.5 of the 2-seat unit, there was a morbidly obese 400 lb. man, and he was doing his very best to take up as much space as possible. Seeing that he wasn’t even trying to let anyone sit next to him, I immediately squeezed myself into the space. The bus had the A/C cranked, and I always wear a long-sleeve dress shirt to work, so I didn’t have to touch any sweaty skin.

At first, I tried to keep it all professional. I stared ahead into space, and took up as little space as I could. However, while I was sitting there, Papa Bear refused to compromise at all. Here is a diagram of what to do and what not to do when sitting on a crowded bus:

WRONG: Keep your arms next to your torso.
((|___|))

RIGHT: Keep your arms crossed in front of your torso.
|\\//|

See what a big space difference that makes? Also, since the man was extremely round and short, his fat arms had to curve around his round body, taking up even more space. I was squished into my seat and unhappy, but again I didn’t do anything about it.

Now bus rides are very jerky, and people tend to slide into each other, especially if you are sitting in the seats that face sideways (as we were). However, the first time this happened, I felt Papa Bear trying to use his elbows to make even more room.

At this point, I was like (internally) “HELL NO” and so the land war began. I immediately jammed myself in as tightly as I could in the seat, and every time we braked hard, I made sure to slide into him much more than necessary. His fat little chicken wing arms had no leverage, and so I was easily able to get waaaaaaaay into his personal space. It was like I was riding the waves, and just snuggling into a massive pillow of warm lard. It was unpleasant yes, but it was worth it. Every time he struggled to use his short arms and elbows, I just leaned in further, but I did it subtly with all the bus movements, as if it was accidental. And every time he glanced sideways at me, I turned to him and gave him a big grin =D.

When Papa Bear finally had to get off the bus, he practically needed a crow bar to get out. The payoff came as he finally got up and started waddling off the bus. I don’t know if he thought other people would give him sympathy, but as he was leaving, he loudly grumbled, “Asshole.” I’m not sure who he was referring to =).

After that, an average-sized woman immediately sat down next to me for the rest of the ride. We both observed proper bus posture, and there was a good 5 inches between us. I felt like I had won the land war, and when I finally got off the bus, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Being On The Other Side

The Lost finale last night was pretty awesome. One thing it made me realize is that it is fun to be a normal fan. I do enjoy writing up stuff for the anime blog a lot, but it’s a different feeling. So far Lost (by virtue of being so confusing…) has been the only non-anime series that has motivated me to read someone else’s blog.

I really like the TMZ-run Lost Diaries. Even when Lost was sucking, and I was just watching because Bunky made me, Daniel’s entries made the experience sooo much better. I still giggle to myself (shamefully) as I read all the comments that mention “brutha.” I’m not a huge Desmond fan, but I do like how he talks =D.

Stay tuned for next season, Losties Vs. Others: The Inferno.

Not As Good As Plasma Arc

I don’t know if he’s undergoing teenage angst or what, but lately Sydney has been a major pain. He pees on random stuff in the bathroom all the time now, and has been trying to climb onto the stove top. He also has been acting all crazy at night, and busts in to scratch up the bed (even though his scratching post is right next to it).

Over the weekend, I was sitting on the floor near Sydney, and minding my business. I heard him make a weird cat-yowl and as I looked over, I saw him making the wheezing noise and body twitches that typically precedes a hairball. So naturally, with only a split second to react, I did what any loving pet owner would do:

I concentrated all my ki in my legs, leapt across the room, grabbed Sydney by the neck scruff, and flung him by his scruff, so that he would spin 180-degrees and puke on the tiled kitchen floor instead of on the carpet. I know, I am a hero.

It turns out I was just in time, cause just as Sydney hit the 90-degree mark, he began to spew chunky grey puke in a wide arc. It got all over some shoes (even in one of my work shoes), but most of it landed in a large gob on the kitchen floor. In the middle of the puke was one of Bunky’s hair ties. The gob was right on the border, but not a single drop of puke landed on the carpet. I felt like George W. Bush… MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Similarly, about 10 minutes later, Sydney snuck back to his original spot on the carpet and puked up an even larger gob. I made Bunky clean it up. It’s called delegation.

Doing Pittsburgh Stuff

This weekend, I managed to knock off several “things you should do in Pittsburgh.” I finally rode an incline (the Monongahela Incline) up to Mount Washington, took a tour on the Gateway Clipper boat, and ate at the Pittsburgh Hard Rock Cafe.

The boat tour was ok, but not really very exciting. I had seen most of the same sights before on the Just Ducky tour, which kinda took away from a lot of the tour. Also, we did not get very close to any of the buildings, since the boat was rather large, and could not get as close to the shoreline. It was tremendously windy on the river, and at one point I felt like my contacts were being sand-blasted.

The incline ride was nice, and was actually free for me because I have a bus pass. Mount Washington had kinda a funky flavor to it, and the view was great. The only uncomfortable part was how on the way up, it totally felt like when you are being dragged up to the first drop on a roller coaster. As the incline is very high and very steep, I would have flipped out on Bunky if it turned into a thriller ride.

Finally, the Hard Rock Cafe was great. We had an early dinner, so it wasn’t crowded at all. I had never been to a Hard Rock Cafe before, so it was a new experience for me. To be honest, I was expecting the food to be bad. However, I was pleasantly surprised, as the food was excellent. We started off with some tangy BBQ wings (very tasty) and I had the cajun chicken sandwich while Bunky had a HRC burger. The service was also fantastic, although our waiter had very very strong B.O. and I had to turn away every time he came to our table.

Oddly enough, we actually sat with a HRC waiter on our way down the incline. He looked dazed and grumpy when he was riding down with us, but when we saw him serving the table next to us, he was a showy, friendly, razzle-dazzle dynamo. I almost wouldn’t have known it was the same person, except for his vest full for flair.